michelle

*sigh*

this morning, i met my mentee for the first time this school year. i brought Chick-fil-a chicken sandwiches, orange juice and waffle fries.

the moment i saw her, it already registered to me that she's matured in her get-up and appearance. she's now wearing her hair in its natural curls and natural color. she doesn't have eyeliners, but is wearing a very light shade of pink lipstick and some blush.

we settled in a lunch room and started eating. the usual how-are-you, how-was-your-summer intros. we immediately fell into the routine. and as with the past halloweens, i asked her if she's got plans for the weekend.

she breathed out a sigh, and told me it's gonna be a weird weekend for her, that halloween is the last thing on her mind.

her parents are separating.

this weekend they are driving to miami where her dad and bros are flying out from.

she knew about it at the beginning of summer when her dad told her he's moving back to Chile for good, with her twin brother and their youngest. he didn't mention "us", meaning the family. and then her mom confirmed it, they have decided to move on with their separate lives.

i was devastated. i was lost for words. it feels like i heard the bad news from one of my closest friends. i was only able to utter the words "oh, i'm so sorry" and i immediately fell into a pit of depression.

my mentee is so young. she's only 15, and she's dealing with this kind of stress already. when i asked her how she's coping, she shrugged and said she looks at it like turning 18, only a few years earlier. she seemed to be taking it well. she didn't cry. not even misty eyed. she was talking about it as if it's just another homework she needs to submit.

supposedly, their dad will reveal a huge secret to them tomorrow, before they leave for miami. my mentee mentioned she started imagining things that could be worse: is he her real dad? did he cheat on their mom? he's not the father of their youngest? he's got a kid with another woman? my mentee was throwing out those questions aloud, and she's not afraid that one of those might be true. i can hear pain in her voice, but she's probably trying to be strong because that's what she needs to be from now on, strong for herself and for her mom.

i was heartbroken by the news. i wanted to throw the possibility that it could be just temporary. but i also don't want to give her false hopes. the most i can do for now is to just listen. and i feel like a once a week, 30-minute lunch is not enough to help her have her support system.

from a family of 5, it's gonna be just her and her mom after the weekend. they don't even have relatives in the city, most of them are in miami and chile. i won't be surprised if she will move to miami before she graduates high school.

but i am aching to see her graduate from high school. i want to be there when she gets her diploma. i want to treat her out for a lunch or a dinner, and look back to those times when she was still in middle school. i want to be there when she starts sorting out what she wants to do for college.

i've been mentoring her for 3 years now. i feel like she changed me more than i influenced her. she became the outlet for my protective instinct that i can't practice with my cousins anymore. i trust her and she trusts me. she asks and values my opinion, i never dismiss her thoughts and ideas. she can think out loud around me, and she knows i won't throw her under the bus.

i hope she will be able to cope well. i hope i would be able to lend the support that she needs.

we talked about other stuff as the lunch went on. she excitedly broke the news that she's now learning how to drive, although she drives like a granny. she told me about her plans for an internship next year. had it not been for that one, isolated sad news, it would seem just like one of our normal lunches.

the bell rang, she helped me clean up the table and we slowly walked out of the lunch room, still talking. i've been thinking of giving her a hug before we part ways.

but i hesitated. that moment of hesitation became a very long second frozen in my mind. i saw her look at me as if waiting for something as well. then she smiled, turned her head and walked towards the hall. i stood there for a couple of seconds, wishing i took that moment.