maldita ka ba?

i got this from an email, and i knew right away, i would want to share it dito... hehehe!
this is the first time i've heard (read? haha!) them, although baka yung iba sa kanila luma na?

these reminded me of the Rush Hour top10 of Chico and Delamar. i realized i miss them na pala. hehehe!

read on, my faves were bolded. hehehe! Maldita!

• On the first day of the Mango sale, the sister of my friend was looking around and picked up a dress when a woman at the counter started screaming,"Put that down, that's mine!" The sister of my friend looked up, looked at the woman up and down, raised an eyebrow, and replied, "Excuse me. You are NOT small"

• A supervisor once told a worker who has difficulty in understanding instructions, "Ang ulo, hindi lang yan pinapatong sa leeg, ginagamit din yan sa pagiisip."

• A friend told another friend, "Naku, magma-makeup muna ako, baka magmukha akong yaya mo." The other friend replied, "Wag na, magmumukha ka lang yaya ko na naka-makeup."

• I told my then boyfriend during a fight, "Even on your smartest day, you're not half as smart as I am on my dumbest!"

• "Ako, I was born beautiful. Ikaw, you were just born."

• A letter posted on a car windshield in UP: "Sir/madam, the parking space that we have reserved is for the College Secretary, not for you. Guard."

• When I saw a friend I haven't seen in a long time, she told me, "Grabe, lalo ka pang tumaba!" So I told her, "Ikaw din, lalo ka pang pumangit!"

• Pag sinisingitan ako sa pila, nagpaparinig ako. I say, "Ang pilang ito, according to beauty. Mga panget muna."

• "Maliban sa mukha mo, ano pang problema mo?"

• I once told an officemate who kept on bragging about her new shoes, " Sale , right?"

• I pointed a "7 items or less" sign to a clueless pasosyal at the supermarket. She bitchily answered, "I can read!" Sabay irap. So I shot back with, "I know, but can you count?"

• "Tuwing nakikita kita, gusto ko mag-sorry sa eyes ko."

• "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bitchy. It's an involuntary reaction whenever I encounter ugly people."

• After receiving her pay slip and realizing how much she's paying for tax, a sosyal officemate exclaimed, "Ang mga poor ba nagbabayad din ng tax?"

• During a hike at Mt. Mayon , we had a maarte companion. When we ran out of water, our guide got us some from a natural spring. The maarte girl said, "Dini-drink ba yan?" I told her, "Bakit, sa inyo ba ang water chinu-chew?"

• Overheard from 2 kids talking.
  

Kid 1: "Lahat tayo galing kay Adam and Eve."
Kid 2: "Hindi yan totoo. Sabi ng papa ko, galing tayo sa unggoy."
Kid 1: "Hindi natin pinag-uusapn ang pamilya mo, kaya wag kang magulo!"

• A friend told his officemate: "I'm impressed. I've never encountered such a small mind inside such a big head before."

• Bading: (envying a girl na crush ng crush nya) "Isang butas lang ang lamang mo sa kin!"

• I was staring at an ugly bystander in their street. The ugly guy snapped, "Bakit ang sama mo makatingin?" I snapped back, "Eh bakit ang sama mo tignan?"

• A friend once told me, "Ang ganda mo!" I answered: "Thank you, sana ikaw rin."

• I told this to an ex: "I must admit you brought religion to my life. I never believed in hell till I met you."

• "When a cashier tells me she doesn't have change, I say: "And? kaninong problema yun?"

• "Kung lahat ng tao galing sa unggoy, bakit ikaw, mukha kang kabayo?"