me and my thoughts

i don't like it when i'm like this.

kailangan ko na magsimula ng trabaho. i keep putting it off. 2 days into the week, wala pa rin akong ginagawang matino. i should start working on that damn design doc. *gaaah!* or at least start coding for that other project since alam ko na ang dapat kong gawin.

but nope. my mind would wander. i keep checking my email every 30 minutes. or my private message inbox at sarah's forums, every hour. i just have those sites opened on my browser. i don't reply back to the emails. i don't post sa forums. i just keep checking if there's anything new. and stubborn as i am, i keep checking even when i know majority of the people who might send me those notes are deep into dreamland right now.

i know this feeling. it's like i'm waiting for the proper mood, at the perfect time, to start budging me. then once i get started, there's no stopping me naman. i'm not sure if a programming job is actually the best utilization of my "sumpong powers". siguro dapat artist ako. if i can paint. or play an instrument. or whatever it is that an artist does. ang kailangan kong trabaho ay yung walang deadline. yung trabaho that will allow me to work only when the mood strikes.

i would like to think na this is how stress builds up. i put off what i need to be doing, and instead, i'll stress over how much time i'm losing. haha! hay kaloka.

but anyways, i'll just keep typing. i kind of miss this. pouring my nonsense into my blog. sometimes i feel like maybe i am scaring my friends away. they now know how my little mind works. it's not Jedi mindtrick, but still, it's distorted. hehe! maybe feb-borns think this way. maybe not. well, yung isang katrabaho ko ay feb-born din. and we sort of work the same way. he waited for 1 full week to pass before sya nag-cram sa project nya. the week that followed, he comes to work around 8am and goes home around 9pm. but he enjoys it. hmmm. 1 week to pass. can i afford it?

i had to shake it off. i have to do at least the cover page for today. i don't like this, i'm submitting myself to pressure. hehe! arte.

on to finer things.

my car is still alive. it just went on a coma. hehehe! for a little over a week, my car won't start. hubby je and i gave up and started shopping for a new car, when he thought of flipping through the car's manual. spark plug lang pala ang kailangang palitan. haha! ok, so i am extending my mercy and prolonging his (the car's i mean, not hubby je's, hehe!) life, at most, until november. i wanted to get a new car na. pero i know it's not the best time. of course i'm not paying in cash, pero i still think if i could wait until the last quarter of the year, i will get a better deal. second half to the last quarter of the year is when the next year's models come out. they have to clear their inventory to make room for the new deliveries. or so my officemate said. hehe! it's also the time of the year when lease-returns are abundant, with the freshest cars off the roads, and into the dealers' showrooms. maybe i'll get a second-hand? or maybe a brand new one.... bahala na. but one thing is for sure, i am getting a 5-speed. i'm tired of being an "imbecile" whenever i come home sa pinas and i had to adjust to driving stick-shift again. it's also a nice chance for hubby je to learn it too. he's been driving automatics all his life. if you can call that driving. hehe!

how many words have i typed so far? if this is the design doc, i'd probably be done with the intro now. oh well.

i've been reading the Twilight saga, as i've mentioned. i just finished the 3rd installment, Eclipse last night. or early this morning, actually.

***spoiler alert!!! ***

Twilight is still the best one for me so far. although Eclipse has its moments too. hehe! New Moon, not so much. too much depression. hehehe! there is a part in Eclipse that i don't like though. i don't like the idea that Bella is in love with both Edward and Jacob. althought they made it sound like Jacob's is the brotherly type, i still don't like it that they kissed. hehehe! i would've liked it better if Jacob's love remained unrequited. it makes it more noble.

in my eyes, Edward is the only one for Bella. i realized i don't like conflicts like that in the books i read. or movies i watch. and especially in life. *go ahead and shoot my idealistic little head, hehe!*

i don't know what's drawing me towards the saga. maybe it's the supernatural? or the love story? or both? City of Angels is my all-time fave movie, and it's got both the supernatural and is a love story. also, the angel became human.

there is something so beautiful about how one can give up his or her existence as he/she knows it, to be with someone he/she loves. next to dying for that special someone, i think it's the most unselfish act one can do to show true love.

*sigh*

btw, the books actually melt with cheesiness, but i like it. hehe! maybe it comes with identifying with that kind of passion towards someone. uneven breathing. racing pulse. heartbeat that seemed to say your heart is gonna jump off your chest any moment now. i believe the author. it is possible to love someone that much. *grins*