on being away

i'm stubborn, but also persistent. i believe there's really a thin line between the two. on which side i am leaning on, i don't wanna know. =)

i listened to my Hale CD, again. nope, this time, no more tears. i kept on thinking that it will only be 3 or 4 months and i'll be with my family again. even just for a few days. it's enough to comfort me. it's enough to keep the tears from flowing from track 1 to 12. it's enough to give me voice to sing along. and i had a calm feeling afterwards.

living away from home, away from my family, has been so far, the greatest feat i've done. i'm not over it yet, but at least i've learned how to cope. i realized i'm not as strong as i thought i am. nope. i still cry for no reason at all, or at the slightest provocation, at the dumbest things. i still feel depressed once in a while (maybe an average of once a month, hehehe!). i still feel lonely at times, even with my hubby beside me. it's all part of it. i don't want to stop them from happening, it's my way of coping. it's all part of the reality i'm living. supressing them would definitely make me go insane. so i let it be. =)

i want to convince myself that being away from them would inspire me to work hard. so i could afford a plane ticket, so i could afford phone calls, so i could send over those "stateside" gifts that they might appreciate. i want to work hard to give them a piece of comfort that i know i will not be able to give them if i am working in the Philippines. or i could be the low profile daughter who will try to afford a postcard to show them how much i care, despite the distance. no matter which, i know they will feel that it is from my heart, and that nobody will replace them on my "nice list". (forget the relatives on the "naughty list", hehehe!)

ok, so step one... get a job. hmmm, i'll just change the CD for now. enough of Hale. =P