raising the bar, constantly
we got our annual performance reviews last tuesday. i wasn't expecting to be rated the highest, but i wasn't expecting it to be like "this".
after busting my butt at work last year, considering i completed 3 major projects in 3 quarters (i was out on maternity leave the first 2 months, and out on vacation the last month, of the year), i was hoping i more than "met expectations". on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest, i only got a 3. it's not bad, it means i did everything that's expected of me, of my position. i just felt like i gave it my all, burn the candle on both ends, and this is all i got. what else should i give, how much harder should i work, to get a more than "meets expectations" rating? i didn't know that working the weekends, working very early, until very late, were all "expected" of a developer in my position.
*sigh*
i don't know what i could've done better. i felt like i gave my best already. i made sacrifices that at one point cost me a day with my son, all that for a mediocre rating?
i totally need a morale booster right now. last tuesday, after the review meeting, i didn't even have the energy to check my email. i know i should be challenged, be motivated to outperform myself. but i feel like i've reached that peak of my performance last year, and it was still not enough.
i just want to rant. i want to get this out of my system, so i could go back to working with my workplace ethics intact.
another thing that kinda hurt my feelings is that... aren't we supposed to be rated on how well we did individually, not in reference with other people? i just find it unfair. especially since i was trying my best to work on my own, but my lead, knowing the deadline is aggressive, took it upon himself to help all throughout the project. when i accepted that help, why is it a point against my performance now? that help enabled us to finish the project in a shorter time than it would take if i were the only one working on it. it wasn't like i was slacking off when help arrived. it actually enabled me to focus on other things needed for the project.
*sigh*
maybe i should start updating my resume. start looking somewhere else. i'm not really scared to lose my job right now, it will actually help me focus more on pistoy. i don't like this feeling, it's dragging me down. maybe i should just do countdowns to payday, and remind myself that this is just a job.
maybe then, i won't feel as bad if i get another "meets expectations" on my next review.
after busting my butt at work last year, considering i completed 3 major projects in 3 quarters (i was out on maternity leave the first 2 months, and out on vacation the last month, of the year), i was hoping i more than "met expectations". on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest, i only got a 3. it's not bad, it means i did everything that's expected of me, of my position. i just felt like i gave it my all, burn the candle on both ends, and this is all i got. what else should i give, how much harder should i work, to get a more than "meets expectations" rating? i didn't know that working the weekends, working very early, until very late, were all "expected" of a developer in my position.
*sigh*
i don't know what i could've done better. i felt like i gave my best already. i made sacrifices that at one point cost me a day with my son, all that for a mediocre rating?
i totally need a morale booster right now. last tuesday, after the review meeting, i didn't even have the energy to check my email. i know i should be challenged, be motivated to outperform myself. but i feel like i've reached that peak of my performance last year, and it was still not enough.
i just want to rant. i want to get this out of my system, so i could go back to working with my workplace ethics intact.
another thing that kinda hurt my feelings is that... aren't we supposed to be rated on how well we did individually, not in reference with other people? i just find it unfair. especially since i was trying my best to work on my own, but my lead, knowing the deadline is aggressive, took it upon himself to help all throughout the project. when i accepted that help, why is it a point against my performance now? that help enabled us to finish the project in a shorter time than it would take if i were the only one working on it. it wasn't like i was slacking off when help arrived. it actually enabled me to focus on other things needed for the project.
*sigh*
maybe i should start updating my resume. start looking somewhere else. i'm not really scared to lose my job right now, it will actually help me focus more on pistoy. i don't like this feeling, it's dragging me down. maybe i should just do countdowns to payday, and remind myself that this is just a job.
maybe then, i won't feel as bad if i get another "meets expectations" on my next review.
posted by beng at
1:19 AM
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